You know you're a redneck when your flyswatter doubles as your spatula!
You know you're a redneck when people say you lie through your tooth!
You know you're a redneck when at your wedding you toast with Budweiser.
You know you're a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
You know you're a redneck if you think a seven-course meal is KFC and a sixpack.
You know you're a redneck if you think the last four words of the national anthem are: "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
You might be a redneck if you study for a blood test.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Jokes Of The Day
Essential Things for the Desert
A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants. The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty. Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door. The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
The Cleaver Farmer
Q: Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?
A: Because he wanted mashed potatoes.
Three Dumb Hunters
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."
So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
Breaking the News is Worth a Beer
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steve''s body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve''s wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.
"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"
"Steve''s wife gave it to me!"
"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"
"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve''s widow. And, she said she wasn''t, so I said I''d bet her a six-pack she was!"
Orange
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
Because it ran out of juice!
A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants. The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty. Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door. The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
The Cleaver Farmer
Q: Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?
A: Because he wanted mashed potatoes.
Three Dumb Hunters
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."
So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
Breaking the News is Worth a Beer
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steve''s body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve''s wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.
"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"
"Steve''s wife gave it to me!"
"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"
"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve''s widow. And, she said she wasn''t, so I said I''d bet her a six-pack she was!"
Orange
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
Because it ran out of juice!
Friday, January 23, 2009
There Once Was a Man Named Jason
This is a movie with sound that a co-worker of Jason put together for his "2008 pre-game superbowl party show".
Caught On a Store Camera
This is something that I'm glad my children didn't think about doing while they were small. Jason and Jessica are hiding the video from Xandria, Connor and Claire for obvious reasons. Too bad there is no sound I would love to have heard what the mother was saying when she finally found her daughter. Enjoy!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
