Living by your doctor's advice.

Real Quotes from Auto Insurance Claim Forms

1. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
2. I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.
3. I collided with a stationary tramcar coming the other way.
4. I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame it was the other vehicle.
5. I left my Austin Seven outside and when I came out later to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.
6. Car had to turn sharper than was necessary.
7. To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
8. 'The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
9. The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.
10. The other man altered his mind so I had to run into him.
11. I told the other idiot what he was and went on.
12. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
13. I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.
14. I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.
15. If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.
16. She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we met.
17. Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
18. Three women were talking to each other and when two stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.
19. There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.
20. A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
21. I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident happened.
22. After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.
23. I collided with a stationary tree.
24. There was no damage done to the car, as the gatepost will testify.
25. Ice on the road applied brakes causing skid.
26. One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator pedal, leapt across the road to the other side and jumped into the trunk of a tree.
27. The water in my radiator accidentally froze at 12 midnight.
28. I was taking a friend home and keeping two yards from each lamp post which were in a straight line. Unfortunately, there was a bend in the road bringing the right-hand lamp post in line with the other and of course I landed in a ditch.
29. I bumped into a lamp post which was obscured by human beings.
30. I bumped into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.

With high fuel prices this is our next car!

Did you realize that...

In just one year, each and every American on average consumes enough wood and paper to construct a tree 100 feet tall and 16 inches in diameter.

Over three million Americans stutter. Stuttering is gender related and affects three to four times as many males as females.

The maximum speed that raindrops can fall at is around 18mph. The precise speed depends on their size.

Because of thermal expansion the Eiffel Tower is 15cm taller in summer than in winter.

A bolt of lightning contains enough energy to toast 160,000 pieces of bread. Unfortunately, the bolt only takes 1/10,000 of a second – so turning the bread over might prove difficult!

The tomato is the world's most popular fruit.

The largest flower in the world is Rafflesia arnoldi. Surprisingly, it is a a parasitic plant that grows only on Sumatra, Indonesia. The genus Rafflesia was named after Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles, the great explorer. Its petals can reach a foot and half long, if you were to touch one the leaves are 1 inch thick.

In 1313, King Edward II stated that, 'You are forbidden from dying in parliament.'

In Melbourne, Australia it is illegal for men to parade in strapless dresses, however, they are allowed to cross-dress in anything with sleeves.

Worldwide, 20,000 brands of beer are brewed in 180 styles, from ales, lagers, pilsner and stouts to bitters, cream ales and iced beers.

The human head contains 22 bones.

King George V changed the name of the British royal family from the German sounding Saxe-Coburg-Gotha to Windsor in 1917. As the great war was at its height King George V wanted to distance himself from his cousin Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany.

Ravens are kept in the Tower of London because, according to myth, the British throne will come to a fall if the ravens leave the tower. The wings of the ravens are clipped to prevent them from flying away.

Classic Hillbilly Drunk

George, the bartender, asks the the Hillbilly, who is sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"

Hillbilly answers, "Ah, I'll have a scotch, please."

George hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be $4.60," to which the Hillbilly splutters, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.'"

Roger, a lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to George, the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

George was singularly unimpressed, so he says to the Hillbilly, "OK, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me ever catch you in here again."

The next day, the Hillbilly again, walks into the bar. George glowers and rasps, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!" The Hillbilly smiles and says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!"

George looks at the Hillbilly closely and mutters, "I'm sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

'The Hillbilly, without missing a beat says, "Thank you, bartender. Make it a scotch."

Did you know that....

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Hearts-Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

'I am'. Is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the 'General Purpose' vehicle, G.P.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

More: Funny did you know facts?

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 [£3,500]
Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.